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"Trust Me"

Trust me.

These are two words that carry so much weight and meaning. I don’t know about you, but these words are quite confronting for me and my response depends entirely on who is saying them. I think of myself as a trusting person, sometimes even too trusting, and that has often landed me in some painful situations. By trusting someone I shouldn’t or trusting someone prematurely, I have experienced my fair share of hurt and pain from rejection and betrayal. Through this I have learned that guarding my heart is not only wise, but actually essential. Now, that doesn’t mean being closed off, distant, and cold, but it does mean taking responsibility for who and what has access to my heart.

Now, this is all well and good, but what is my response when God asks me to trust?

When He whispers,

“Trust me…

Haley, trust me.”

Have you ever stood on the edge of a cliff and just looked over and out at the vastness of it all? In a single moment you can feel how incredibly tiny and limited you are but also how infinite and powerful you can be.

Along with God’s question of “will you trust me?” He has been showing me this picture of myself standing on the edge of a cliff. In the vision I am right on the edge, toes curled, holding my breath as I desperately search for an end to the vast expanse before me. The cliff is so high that clouds obstruct my ability to see the ground. And in that moment, I know what He wants me to do.

Jump.

But how can I jump when I can’t see the bottom? I can’t see what’s in front of me, I can’t see the end.

Then I hear those words again, “trust me, Haley, trust me”.

God spoke to me recently that I was entering into a season of new things, and I still don’t know 100% what that looks like, although it has become a bit clearer. Throughout the process, He has been calling me to deeper and deeper levels of trust. I thought that I trusted God, then He asked me to step into something unknown, unclear, and a bit unstable, and my heart’s response was “no thanks”.

I was standing on the edge of the cliff saying, “God I trust you” but refusing to jump. My feet were planted in doubts and fears so heavy that they held me to the ground like gravity. The fear that if I jumped I would lose everything that I hoped for was the glue beneath my feet. I doubted God's goodness.

A few days went by of being in this place--ready to jump, but too afraid to fall. To be honest, I didn't really know how to get out of it. I just kept telling God that I trusted Him and placing my heart in His hands. Then God showed me how to jump...He asked me to be extremely honest and vulnerable and I wish I could say it was easy, but it wasn't. I wish I could say everything was better after the jump, but falling is scary.

When God showed me the cliff again, I wasn't standing there anymore. Instead I was free-falling. Gliding through the air. But I wasn't alone. Jesus was holding onto me. Instead of being anchored to the ground, I was anchored to Him. No longer were doubt and fear weighing me down, no, I was soaring with my Savior.

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